I feel like abortions should bother me more
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
