Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
