Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize