You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Pants are for mortals
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
