her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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