so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
