Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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