I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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