Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Randomize