lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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