Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
