Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
