DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
