I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
