i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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