you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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