i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
