My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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