Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
