i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
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