A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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