3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize