Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
not ubering you a puppy
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
