Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
