Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize