Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
