She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
