First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
