All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
