so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
