I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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