Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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