Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
