I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
