in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Still dying that you shit outside
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
