It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
