youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize