There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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