I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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