u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
