you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
