Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
