hell yes lets make some ravioli
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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