Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
