I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
