the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
