I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
