I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
she peed on how many people?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
