Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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