Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
