finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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