You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
