i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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