Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
