How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
