We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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