I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize