I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
