do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
