You can't special order awesome
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
