Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
