So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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